I'm sure you all have participated in the various "getting to know you" emails that land in your in-box from time to time. I just got one tonight, so in lieu of an engaging story about my messed up family, I thought I'd invite you to take a glimpse at the real Susie. The honest, straight forward sort of gal I really am. Enjoy.
1. What time did you get up? 7:00 (in the morning, not evening)
2. Diamonds or pearls? What, cubic zirconia doesn't count? Yeesh!
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Mama Mia. Yes, I sang. And yes, Pierce Brosnan looked constipated. Handsome but constipated.
4. What is your favorite TV show? Sponge Bob. No seriously. I kid you not. I've got a thing for Mr. Krabs.
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Oh, I usually just grind my teeth into a fine powder as I hustle my lazy children along in the morning. Mm Mm Good!
6. What is your middle name? Dianne (BOR-RING)
7. What food do you dislike? Is that a rhetorical question or a slap in the face?
8. What is your favorite CD at moment? ABBA (Even though a crazed Jan Arden fan stole it.)
9. What kind of car do you drive? A mini van, fully equipped with disgusting smells of unknown origin.
10. Favorite sandwich? I once ate a Sub shop out of business sooooo......
11. What characteristic do you despise? Sarcasm. Churns my stomach.
12. Favorite item of clothing? Whatever jeans I can still zip up
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Alcatraz (and I'd throw away the key)
14. Favorite brand of clothing? Whatever crap Wal-Mart sells.
15. Where would you retire? Honey I'll be dead long before I hit 65
16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? It's coming up sistah! Suz-a-palooza November 08! Oh yeah!!
17. Favorite sport to watch? A little thing I call "Twin Fight" it's totally awesome and entertaining! (and free!)
18. Farthermost place you are sending this? Farthermost? Pretentious much?
19. Person you expect to send it back first? I dunno. Santa?
20. When is your birthday? November 6. I'll be 30. Get ready for SUZ_A_PALOOZA 08!!!!
2. Diamonds or pearls? What, cubic zirconia doesn't count? Yeesh!
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Mama Mia. Yes, I sang. And yes, Pierce Brosnan looked constipated. Handsome but constipated.
4. What is your favorite TV show? Sponge Bob. No seriously. I kid you not. I've got a thing for Mr. Krabs.
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Oh, I usually just grind my teeth into a fine powder as I hustle my lazy children along in the morning. Mm Mm Good!
6. What is your middle name? Dianne (BOR-RING)
7. What food do you dislike? Is that a rhetorical question or a slap in the face?
8. What is your favorite CD at moment? ABBA (Even though a crazed Jan Arden fan stole it.)
9. What kind of car do you drive? A mini van, fully equipped with disgusting smells of unknown origin.
10. Favorite sandwich? I once ate a Sub shop out of business sooooo......
11. What characteristic do you despise? Sarcasm. Churns my stomach.
12. Favorite item of clothing? Whatever jeans I can still zip up
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Alcatraz (and I'd throw away the key)
14. Favorite brand of clothing? Whatever crap Wal-Mart sells.
15. Where would you retire? Honey I'll be dead long before I hit 65
16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? It's coming up sistah! Suz-a-palooza November 08! Oh yeah!!
17. Favorite sport to watch? A little thing I call "Twin Fight" it's totally awesome and entertaining! (and free!)
18. Farthermost place you are sending this? Farthermost? Pretentious much?
19. Person you expect to send it back first? I dunno. Santa?
20. When is your birthday? November 6. I'll be 30. Get ready for SUZ_A_PALOOZA 08!!!!
21. Are you a morning person or a night person? According to my children, I'm not human, but actually some kind of a monster. But I'm down with that; saves me from having to shave my legs.
22. What is your shoe size? Size doesn't matter darlin!
23. Pets? Yeah, four of em.
24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? Pffft. Ha ha. Very funny. Why don't just rub the fact that a lead a mundane sort of life in my face a little more? While you're at it, why don't you just give me a paper cut and rub lemon juice in it too!
22. What is your shoe size? Size doesn't matter darlin!
23. Pets? Yeah, four of em.
24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? Pffft. Ha ha. Very funny. Why don't just rub the fact that a lead a mundane sort of life in my face a little more? While you're at it, why don't you just give me a paper cut and rub lemon juice in it too!
25. What did you want to be when you were little? A mommy. Yeah, irony is a big fugly kick in the pants.
26. How are you today? Gee super! Thanks for asking!
27. What is your favorite candy? Candy is nothing but a middle man that I eliminated loooong ago. Now I just scoop heaping amounts of sugar directly into my mouth. I'd hook to it a vein, but I blew all those in the 90's during the Cola wars.
26. How are you today? Gee super! Thanks for asking!
27. What is your favorite candy? Candy is nothing but a middle man that I eliminated loooong ago. Now I just scoop heaping amounts of sugar directly into my mouth. I'd hook to it a vein, but I blew all those in the 90's during the Cola wars.
28. What is your favorite flower? Black Eyed Susan. (I don't have a joke. Flowers are no laughing matter)
29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? "Susie Goes to Rehab" day.
30. What is your full name? Mom Mom Mom Mom MOMMMMMM
29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? "Susie Goes to Rehab" day.
30. What is your full name? Mom Mom Mom Mom MOMMMMMM
31. What are you listening to right now? The washing machine. Yup, it's past midnight and I'm still plucking away at the endless heap of filthy rags my children thoughtlessly toss on the floor day after day after day....sorry. I lost my mind for a minute there. All better now.
32. What was the last thing you ate? I just finished two fisting a couple pounds of kettle corn.
33. Do you wish on stars? Yes. There is still a small part of me that remains hopeful and optimistic. Unfortunately that part will be removed in my upcoming lobotomy.
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? I don't know about color, but I would be broken in several places, smooshed into a wall and then my remains would be ground into the carpet.
35. How is the weather right now? Chilly. Only jerks make jokes about the weather.
36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? My mom. She is the only one who understands my pain. Plus, she's usually drunk, so I get a kick out of talking to her.
33. Do you wish on stars? Yes. There is still a small part of me that remains hopeful and optimistic. Unfortunately that part will be removed in my upcoming lobotomy.
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? I don't know about color, but I would be broken in several places, smooshed into a wall and then my remains would be ground into the carpet.
35. How is the weather right now? Chilly. Only jerks make jokes about the weather.
36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? My mom. She is the only one who understands my pain. Plus, she's usually drunk, so I get a kick out of talking to her.
37. Favorite soft drink? Bailey's. What? It's soft!
38. Favorite restaurant? Anything that serves meat. Cooked...uncooked...not technically dead....I don't care.
39. Real hair color? Brown. Oooo. Thrilling. Who writes these questions?
38. Favorite restaurant? Anything that serves meat. Cooked...uncooked...not technically dead....I don't care.
39. Real hair color? Brown. Oooo. Thrilling. Who writes these questions?
40. What was your favorite toy as a child? When I was six, I had a stick that I called "Slimer"; I would take "Slimer" and skim the slime off the big bog of water on our property. Slimer was my fishing pole, and the slime was my fish. I would spend hours doing this. That was my entertainment. The sad part is, I'm actually being serious here. Sigh.
41. Summer or winter? Right now it's fall, dummy.
42. Hugs or kisses? Honey, I'm sorry. You're very attractive, but I already picked a team.
41. Summer or winter? Right now it's fall, dummy.
42. Hugs or kisses? Honey, I'm sorry. You're very attractive, but I already picked a team.
43. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate.
44. Coffee or tea? I'm switching to tea because the coffee don't make my brain run too good don't cha know?
45. Do you want your friends to email you back? Yes. Anything is preferable to the cold and empty in-box I check repeatedly, desperately wishing for some correspondence.
46. When was the last time you cried? When I was reading a book to the kids. They felt a little awkward about it, but I just don't understand why that dude doesn't like that Sam I Am! He's all "Screw you Sam I Am! I hate your flipping guts...you disgust me!" ...and poor little Sam is just offering him a rancid, foul looking meal. It's not his fault he's homeless and has to eat eggs and ham out the dumpster behind Sals.
44. Coffee or tea? I'm switching to tea because the coffee don't make my brain run too good don't cha know?
45. Do you want your friends to email you back? Yes. Anything is preferable to the cold and empty in-box I check repeatedly, desperately wishing for some correspondence.
46. When was the last time you cried? When I was reading a book to the kids. They felt a little awkward about it, but I just don't understand why that dude doesn't like that Sam I Am! He's all "Screw you Sam I Am! I hate your flipping guts...you disgust me!" ...and poor little Sam is just offering him a rancid, foul looking meal. It's not his fault he's homeless and has to eat eggs and ham out the dumpster behind Sals.
47. What is under your bed? dead people; and about 50 Slim Jim's.
48. What did you do last night? Two fisted kettle corn and watched a painfully boring movie; but I paid .99 for that thing! No way I was going to waste that .99!
49. What are you afraid of? That someday I'll wake up and this was all just a dream, and I'll have to do all this stuff all over again for REAL! Aughhhhh!
48. What did you do last night? Two fisted kettle corn and watched a painfully boring movie; but I paid .99 for that thing! No way I was going to waste that .99!
49. What are you afraid of? That someday I'll wake up and this was all just a dream, and I'll have to do all this stuff all over again for REAL! Aughhhhh!
50. Salty or sweet? Wouldn't you like to know...
51. How many keys on your key ring? One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them.
52. How many years at your current job? Eight...but I'm serving a life sentence.
53. Favorite day of the week? The one that ends in a "T".
53. Favorite day of the week? The one that ends in a "T".
54. How many towns have you lived in? 5
55. Do you make friends easily? No, and I don't want to. There is something endearing about being a curmudgeon.
55. Do you make friends easily? No, and I don't want to. There is something endearing about being a curmudgeon.
4 comments:
You have quite a sense of humour! Thanks for the laughs!
But Jamie, I was being serious...
LOL You're so funny!
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