How I Changed Cable Television

Normally I am not the sort of person to "toot my own horn", so to speak, but a friend mentioned to me the other day how she relies on me to keep everyone together. When I say "keep everyone together", I don't mean that my calm and soothing influence keeps everyone I know from surrendering to mass hysteria and running about frantically waiting for the world to end. She simply meant that I am somewhat good at getting the girlfriends together for coffee. Sure it's not equal to the discovery of penicillin, but it's something, right? I have to agree that my aversion to spending too much time confined to the four walls of my house drives me to suggest to my friends that we "do coffee" on a regular basis. I'd like to think that my desperation is the glue that holds our merry little band of friends together. Again, not exactly Mother Teresa comforting hoards of starving orphans, but hey, what have you done for society lately?
Anyways, this conversation with my friend got me to thinking about the various institutions I have graced with my presence over the years, and how these establishments have fallen into the dumper once I was done with them. For example, that BFF club I started in Grade 5 simply fell to pieces after I left. How they thought they could carry on without me is a mystery. (When I left, I took the club collection dues with me, so that might explain a small part of it.) Okay, maybe the grade 5 BFF club is small potatoes, but I think you'll be impressed to know that I was once a driving force behind the success of cable TV. It's true! Several years ago, when I still lived at home with the folks, I was what some may refer to as a TV junkie, though I always considered myself as more of a connoisseur. Back in my cable watching days, TV was actually good. Remember when A&E could legitimately call itself the Arts and Entertainment channel? That was because of me! Remember when TLC actually had interesting and educational shows and not freaky reality stuff? That was me! TBS used to show two reliable hours of Susan approved Little House in the Prairie morality goodness everyday-now they show hours of Dawson's Creek. Really TBS? Not even two solid hours of Pacey's "I remember everything" speech could make me want to tune into that. So what directly contributed to the decline of cable televison? Some people blame reality TV; this trash infused, cheap to produce programming began to blossom about 11 years ago, and then took over all of TV programming. But the truth is, 11 years ago I left mom and dad's house, and got one of my own. Sacrifices needed to be made. Heating bills VS cable bills in Manitoba in the winter is hardly a contest. Cable had to go, and quality went with it. So I apologize to the viewing public. I'm sorry that I left cable and that it went to crap; I guess PBS is our only hope, and as long as they continue to show As Time Goes By, we should be fine.

Just in case you're not convinced that I make everything better, here is a list of other things whose suckage meter went off the charts when I was no longer around:

1. This Blog
2. General Hospital
3. My Hometown
4. My parents house (I don't think they read this anymore, so I don't think I'll get into trouble for this.)
5. All my ex boyfriends lives.
6. The UN
7. People who used to know me.

Things that have gotten better by having me around:

1. This blog.
2. The Young and The Restless
3. The city I live now.
4. My husband's life.
5. Your life.
6. England
7. Everyone who knows me.

The proof is in the pudding my friends, whatever that means. Just be happy to have me around again! I know I'm always happy to have me around!